Alone

my life
a cruel twist
nothing more
no score
lonely girl
i only know
selfish taunts
a gravel hoe
will she know
ever realise
fantasise
realise
I dream of her knowing
how cruel of my showing
for as long as im knowing
she can't know
societies pressure
is to say i should be a man
not let her know how much I care
if i'm in love than I'll do anything
to not let her know
how corny, how ironic
for all it seems i don't realise
alone at night
wish it seemed alright

those who know, know
how much love i have
how much I want to love them
how much love I had to show them
those who wished never knew
only monkeys in trees
climbing to attain growth

what's worse
is if I found you straight away
i never would have found you
for a ll the pain i've been through
has made me this way

all the things I treasure
all the things i now realise
have only come from
things that didn't materialise

like a beat that drops
i function in linear notes
a beauty so deep
my screen has no 3d

A Girl I Knew

For that was a love I torn apart
A girl who loved beyond her means
And was keen to give up everything

To be apart and loathe thy cure
Only to know a love so pure
How keen she was to deceive
Bequeath in me a torrid seed
A guilty conscious lie on my back
The pain beguiling swift attack

Unknown to me, passage or cure
A love like this can be so pure
A conversation, a place in time
Love connection beneath a sign

I know not what I have is be
Until it's sailed and gone and free

Fearing The Light

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. Being enlightened is not about shrinking so other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us all. And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously encourage other people to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Proposition

This is my hand
I long for your heart
No time or distance
Should keep them apart

You are the torch
That lights up my day
And no other girl
Makes me feel this way

Photography

One thing I'll pay London - awful weather but when the sky turns it on, you appreciate it (Lords)

                                             Berlin

                               Epic. Hallstätter See, Austria

                Oktoberfest (epic, for other reasons). Munich

                   Not much to say really. Industrial. Stuttgart

                       Copenhagen - Denmark (where else??)

                    The cleanest city in the world. Stockholm

I came to the realisation recently that although I think I'm good at photography, I'm not. I think I need to be more selective of what I take pictures of - or how I frame them anyway. The problem with this, is that I absolutely hate taking pictures when I'm travelling. I love 'being in the moment' and having fun when I'm out and about. And I'm yet to reach the interest levels of being willing to take my $150 camera out for a day of 'bonding'.

I love the Lost Highway quote: "I like to remember things my own way. How I remembered them. Not necessarily the way they happened".

The problem is, all that drinking didn't exactly do wonders for my memory now did it. Oh well, who said fiction was fake...

Why Should We Last?

Without you near
I feel alone
Will this last
Or just down-tone

Siphoned knowledge
Hard to read
Makes it simple
Just to bleed

Feelings pour open
Flooding your way
Lost in thought
Goodbye another day

A taste so sour
And if you knew
Waiting another hour
Locked in this zoo

Primitive moments
Lost or blind
Forgotten progress
A state of mind

Were you ever so kind?
Do we belong in the past?
What happened to our bind?
It all happened so fast

Drunk with lust

(This was written when I was having problems with my first love. It's presented in an "as it was" state.)

Hey baby
I miss u heaps
It's my heart
That you keep

Can't wait to see you
Hold you spin you
Show you all around
Take you places
No way you'd frown

Have you in my arms
Looking deep into my eyes
Showing you
We won't demise

I miss you baby
With all my heart
'Cause there's no way
We should be apart

Just to write this
Lets me say
I feel for you still
Some mystical way

The next time we meet
I’ll lift you off your feet
With a sigh we’ll embrace
Our lips lingering the taste

I’ll lay you down
Pour some wine
Make you feel special
Help you unwind

In awe of your soul
No time to waste
Where did I meet you
A wish sent with haste

When will I see you
Make me believe you’re true
Adore, appreciate and admire
So distant from my current desire

As It Stands

In a sea of pure white sand
How did I gain such a chance
Your beautiful hand
Your innocent heart
No weighted issues
Will bring us apart

Have you in my arms
Like the shore of a lake
And take my time
Giving you my stake

This won't sound new
But my words are true
The less I see you
The more I feel blue

But I'm truly lucky
That hope is near
You are my love
Touched my soul so dear

The feelings that mean
You are so real
Stem from my heart
Due to your’s that heals

alone with you

as i sit here
thinking of you
i wonder if only
you had a clue

the way i feel
a love so real
i think of you
and see the appeal

when i dream
im awake with you
i see only beauty
in the things you do

then i realise
there's no need to theorise
our bond is so great
it could only mean fate

More beer more beer

Ok then - it is with no real surprise that I have spent the past 2 weeks drinking. Nothing too silly (ed: bullshit) but enough to keep me away from here and my Swiss-ball. And honestly, it's great to be back. I have a couple of poems to upload, although they were actually written some time ago. I haven't shared these with anyone so if you've stumbled across this page somehow, you will be one of the very few people who will have the privilege (*cough*) of being the first (and last!) to see them.
Its nice to get them off my chest and share them with people so feel free to comment and/or add or your pieces.

Swiss Ball = No Beer

As sad as it sounds I got myself one of these swiss balls the other day (+ a yoga mat!!), and I have to say they really do work! Im mostly using it to sit at the computer, but its great for maintaining posture and works your lower back muscles while keeping your abs tight too. I sound like a bit of a salesman here but for $25 its pretty good value - the only thing to remember is to get off it every 20 mins or so as u need to rest your 'stabilising muscles' apparently. So you can go off for a quick (read: upright) walk then sit back on it again - I can't praise this thing enough! Plus there are a heap of workouts you can do with it too (see: youtube) but I'll leave them for someone else to discuss. Im just happy sitting on it for now :)
Now the reason for all this fitness  - my bloody 'no beer intake' rule! This rekindled apprecation of keeping in shape is feeling pretty darn good though so the ole mighty beer may have to wait another day. I cant believe I just said that - its been 2 weeks already since my last drink and I've abstained whilst some of my favourite cold-ones [Hefeweizen Schofferhofers] are in the fridge. Reckoning day is upon me though and Ive decided to wait until my next rdo's to re-acquaint myself but maybe - just maybe - I will wait until Australia Day (like 4th of July) and knock over a few playing cricket =D

Oops, its been more than 20 minutes...

Uncertain qualities

The gift you’ve given
Makes me realise
There is no time
To hold onto life

Push the boundaries
Don’t wait too late
For all life’s pleasures
Are won by fate

It hurts not feeling
This love I hate
Like falling ceilings
A dream you’d wake

Forgiveness within your reach
Pain while you preach
Living without your leach
Time's tamed on a beach

Rising Up

As much as I see you
The feeling can’t be true
So powerful so new
Only when I’m with you

Can’t wait to meet again
Anywhere just some time soon
Amazed by your soul’s truth
When you’re always in-bloom

The passion you hold
Known by what you’ve told
Brings me closer my dear
Together fighting our fears

When in my arms you wake
It’s your heart I dream to take
A place of purity lined in gold
When you’re with me I am sold

McBess

Due to no longer getting hangovers from my frequent beer-drinking marathons Ive decided to put my mind & body on a 2 week hiatus from alcohol. Full stop. A reward for this monstrosity of an action, other than the ability to think clearer more often, save $ and gain motivation to learn german to not just read their beer labels is this colourful (well it's black & white actually) piece by the French artist mcbess. The downside is a complete realisation that I've been sitting around enjoying myself too much & need to knuckle down into some study again - which means im going to be drinking cheap beer again unfortunately. Plus all my mates havent stopped giving me shit about it either. Its downright silly that I chose to do it during the cricket season as well but that's just how it happened. Ive only got 4 more days to go so not too much longer luckily. The problem is that in my infinite wisdom, I thought it would be a good idea to see just how long I could hold out for - Australia day... ah that's just an extra week, no biggie. Feb 13, Aus v NZ day/night cricket game at The Gabba in Brisbane - at least it'll be a special occasion. Buggers me to be quite honest (does anyone actually read this stuff yada yada yada) but im looking forward to collecting my first piece of art (that wasn't a Christmas present/space neutraliser from my ceramist brother).

As Miss Judd says in Heat, "It's like risk versus reward, baby".

Water.Ice.Water.

Before your time
Should we expire
Let me know
Your hearts desire

For when I see you
Life barely moves
Time ceases to travel
Stopped by your soothe

Under the sheets
I feel your beauty
Will you be true to me
Is it something I will see

Lying close to you
A glow rises within
My fingers through your hair
When will it begin

A clearer view of your face
How long will it last
Can’t wait to see you again
My hand you clasp

Just want you near now
To stare into your eyes
Barely see you there
Gone beyond ties

Came to me in Winter
And stayed until June
Laid beneath my heart
And you fell apart

A smile so pure
A laugh so free
Just want you nearer
Stay next to me

But you’re so far away now
Time was my only clue
Felt like I knew you
Moments so true

A connection so deep
Bound together so sweet
What happened in my bed
Now in my head

Before I knew

In my heart
Filled with gold
Poured from your soul
Stories that you’ve told

The way you spoke
Or what I heard
Brought me closer
Than I’ve ever known

When you cried
I was there
Feeling it too
No time for despair

When I saw you
The clear in your eye
I felt spoken to
A heartfelt goodbye

If you leave now
Why have you come
To hold and please me
Only to run

How do I stay
When really I must go
Is this love for real
Or just some kind of show

Climbing Stars

Tears of symphony
Bring me joy
A life of pleasure
Leaves me coy

A world of pain
Forgiveness and treasure
Who in this life
Can honestly measure

A compass a watch
A tree that says stop
From a plane in the sky
The world says to fly

Yield to emotions
Think straight ahead
Get off the beaten track
Before you end up dead

Combining the Soul

A glance, a sigh
A wink that is sly

We may explore
We may discover
A soul of colour
Held dear my lover

Of all the times I’ve seen you
No other has felt so right
While the light shines brightest
When near you at night

Letting go is such a pain
But what do you say in the pouring rain
Rhyme in time today your fine
Hope that death has friends who are left

Poem of Jen

If only I could explain
Where I get all this pain
Ive no idea where it starts
Where my body & soul parts

If I could love thee
I would say go
We’re not allowed to be
We’re only here for show

If you were no good in bed
Would I stay round
If you were in the head
Would I feel bound

Some things say to stay
Other signs motion go
Im allowed to do as I wish
The decisions we make
When guilded by the fish

If I were to change
What would I re-arrange
Id say go fall in love
And forget about all of the above

But im staying in a world of lust
Filled with passion and desire
Dreaming of a world I’ve known
Accustomed to and completely grown

Can I give it all away now
I think its time to run
Skin cancer is no good for thee
Its time to flee from the sun